It's NO FUN to be stressed. Not only is it no fun, it's not healthy. As adults we've all experienced bouts of stress. Mine occurred recently when I was off of work and receiving only disability pay and three family cars broke down at once! I, however, as an adult expect times of stress... that's life, right? The issue occurs when the stress doesn't ease up. Maybe it's a very difficult boss or co-worker--maybe illness in the family or mounting medical or other bills. As we mature, most of us learn to cope with the stress.
What about our kids? Sometimes as adults we are so busy with our jobs, relationships or even our own stresses that we may not realize when our children are stressed. Now don't get me wrong--children need to experience some stresses so that they can develop coping mechanisms which will transfer into adulthood. In this article I would like to consider extraordinary stresses to children.
First of all, what might be some signs that my child is stressed? Actually, they may be very much like the symptoms of adult stress. A few symptoms might be:
• Restless sleep, or sleeping too much
• Aggressive appetite, or lack of appetite
• Acting out or "losing it" at home or at school
• Grinding teeth during sleep, causing headaches
• Frequent or unusual headaches
• A tendency to want to stay home from school
• Moping or lack of interest in any activities
• Nervous habits, such as fingernail biting or even pulling out hair
• An "I don't care" attitude
• Avoiding school work when it's been a priority in the past
• Social withdrawal--may spend lots of time alone in their room
Of course, these symptoms don't ALWAYS mean your child is stressed--you know your child better than anyone. However, any these symptoms might warrant a second look. So, I've discovered that my child is stressed... what now? It's important to reveal the root of a problem so that you can create a solution. It's time to play detective. Analyze what you know, but this is also a time to show that you care with a sincere, warm conversation.
Have there been...
... any life changes or upsets recently?
• If so, create special time for your child, maybe dinner out or a movie together. Take the opportunity to talk openly and honestly about the situation. Consider counseling sessions.
... hectic, full schedules on top of homework and chores?
• Slow down--if possible, eliminate one or two of the evening activities. Help your child to be more organized to reduce any last minute projects or rushing around looking for shoes and other materials. Help your child to be on time to school and other activities.
... self-inflicted pressures or high expectations?
• Repeatedly assure your child that everyone makes mistakes and that as long as they give of their best you will be content and they should too. Let them know that you love and accept them unconditionally.
... bully or friend problems at school or in the neighborhood?
• Sometimes children are afraid to expose a bully for fear that a parent will "make a big deal" and cause the situation to become worse. Rather than immediately calling a bullies' parents or the teacher, try to teach your child to react to a bully appropriately. Do, however, contact authorities immediately if your child is threatened or endangered in any way. Consider employing a coach to assist your child's reaction in awkward or difficult social situations.
Other tips to prevent or reduce stress in children:
• Encourage physical activities. Remember that activities such as Little League organizations are beneficial, yet children need physical activities outdoors that are unstructured or "free."
• Encourage an appreciation for nature and the outdoors. Take your child for some rest and relaxation at a park or on a camping or hiking trip.
• Allow your child to be bored. It is stressful for every minute of the day to be filled with activities. Often children and adults will escape into a television show or net surfing in their down time. It is freeing to disconnect from technology and allow the imagination to flow freely.
• Ensure that your child has a spiritual outlet, such as an accepting church group who teaches optimism, faith and hope.
• Allow your child to spend time each week pursuing a hobby that they have chosen and enjoy.
• Set an example. If your life is frazzled and unorganized, your child's life will be as well. If you are unorganized, admit it to your child and work together as a family to learn how to reduce your clutter and hectic habits.
• Maintain balance. Discover if your life is out of balance as well as your child's. Life is more rewarding and pleasant if we live it balanced and feeling in control. Take a balance assessment to determine areas of weakness then form an action plan to improve your life.
Sometimes adults become very involved in the cares and concerns of everyday life. Don't forget to stop and check your child's stress level, then both of you take time to stop and smell the roses along the way!
Lisa Kokenes is a former English/History teacher and Middle School principal with over twenty years of experience in the field of education. Her work in the Texas public school system includes a middle school principal ship which entailed establishing a school from its foundation. She led the faculty in effective implementation of a school wide inclusion program and also spent numerous hours in the field of curriculum development and alignment of vertical subject matter teams. She lives the philosophy of Principle-Centered Leadership.
In addition to her educational career, Lisa carries a passion for children of all ages which has prompted her to assist in opening four private and business based day care centers over the span of her career. The centers were designed to instill in children a love for learning by combining education and quality care. She continues to follow her educational passion for children by providing mentorship, coaching and educational assistance to struggling students and parents.
http://www.yoursuccessbuilder.com/
